Wedding Bells Are Ringing

I just arrived home from a wonderful weekend in Fredericton with Greg for the wonderful celebration and joining together in marriage of Miss Jenny Thompson and Mr Ryan Drost. It was beautiful. Jenny looked stunning and Ryan also looked handsome. It was a perfect day, and the rain stopped at the correct times. I had the honour/responsibility of getting the groomsmen to all of their obligations on time, such as pictures before, the church, pictures after, and reception. Hanging out with them all day was memorable to say the least, but I would do it again in a heart beat. It was great getting to hang out with Greg's parents and friends from home again, they are all really great people. We also went to Greg's church this morning, it was really nice, I really liked it their. There was an awesome speaker who preached a great salvation message. All in all, a great weekend with some awesome memories for all who were involved!

Leaving on a jet plane...

I love airports, normally they one of my favorite places to be there is something exciting and adventurous about them, but after spending some time in a couple this weekend a few new realities about airports have dawned on me. One, airports can be really lonely places if you have no idea when you will return and see people again. And two, airports can be really lonely places when there is no one there to greet you when you arrive.

Lessons


So it's been a while, and even a while since Gilberto mentioned to me that maybe I should post again. So here is anything but what I've been up too (really it's quite boring it has mostly been exams and papers and all things related), sort of...a few lessons I'm learning.

1) Grace...very important, and if grace is given to me I have to give it. And since that is the case, I've got no excuse not to give second chances, God gives them to me every day and third, forth, fifth, and sixth chances for that matter.

2) Honesty...never a bad thing. It can cut like a knife and sting like crazy, but it's always better to know the truth. Always. (This is not always the easiest to see at the beginning, over time it becomes easier to see the upside to harsh honesty)

3) Time heals all wounds. Life never gets easy (where would the fun be in easy), but time will make the rough stuff better. A good nights sleep does wonders.

4) Friends are amazing and NEVER over rated. True friends are hard to come by, so when you find them, make sure you are everything to them that they are to you. Who fits into this description may change over time, but they are always needed. The person who says they can do it alone isn't telling the truth. *side note...if you fit into this category for me, I am ever so grateful!

5) Walking - seriously under rated. Walks clear the mind, calm the heart, and settle the spirit. Let alone the fact the positive physical effects of a good walk, but the emotional side effects are enough to make you not want that bus pass and to leave the car at home! *side note again...I doubt I will give up the pass (LOL)

Totally Not Related...

Today on the way to church I had a tea (thank-you Greg) and I won Roll Up The Rim! I was 0 for about 15 before today. I am not sure though, if I won or Greg did since he treated...

Something else that's on my mind...

The power of prayer. The extent of it's power is so great, I would even guess that I have no real grasp on the true extent of it's power. I would even fathom a guess that it is really beyond all comprehension. But here is the thing; when I am placed in a position where the only thing I can do to help is pray I feel like I am not useful. I am action, I crave doing. Prayer isn't passive by any means, so why do I feel so passive when placed in a situation where that is the sole thing I am called to do? I want to lead a revival, a revolution, and I am told to sit back and pray. That is my job.

Why do I feel so useless? Why do I even argue with God over this one? I should take the tasks and rolls He gives me, and treat them with respect and honour they deserve. Where is my humility? I seem to have lost it somewhere along the way between God choosing me for this task, and me getting the message. I want to come before the Lord, and humbly lay everything at His feet. Why can't my head and my heart reconcile and realise that prayer can be one of the least passive, greatest, most important actions one can take.

I have seen the power of sincere prayer in my own life. I think of the ministry at SMU and how God has taught me so much about patience and prayer using that ministry as the vessel. I can't deny that prayer works. I know it does. It all comes back to my pride. God hears my prayers, no one else. By praying no one else will see my crusades. I crave the spotlight. I long for the visible front lines when God's will is being played out, not the invisible one. I need to get past this pride that blocks true potential.

Lord God, Help me to understand the incomprehensible power of prayer. Help me to crave prayer. Help me to appreciate the people that pray for me that much more. Help me to pray sincere prayers. Help me come to you with humility. Help me not to fight or resist your perfect plan. Teach me to pray as you would have me pray. Lord, make me the woman you want me to be. Amen

Killing Two Birds With One Stone...

*Just a side not this post has nothing to do with killing, birds, or stones, but it is for sure a bunch of posts in one!

So, last year the wonderful Kelley Myles was my disicipler, but since she is no longer at SMU I am being discipled by the wonderful Heather Harman. I love being discipled by Heather, she is an incredible woman and such a blessing in my life. The flip side to the equation is though, that I do miss Kelley and seeing her at the weekly meetings is just not the same as our weekly opportunities to catch up and hang out. So, since I am experiencing the symptoms of Kelley Myles withdraw, I thought I would dedicate a post to her in true KM style, SO...

MY TOP FIVE WHO NEED FACEBOOK!!!!!!!
1- Kelley Myles
2- Angele Comeau
3- Tricia Jagt
4- Courtney Creelman
5- Robyn Hunter


ALSO...

Greg and I had house guests from Fredericton this weekend and it was a pile of fun. Tricia, I can't wait for you to move in, we are going to have such fun. Though I have never been in such reputation creating/compromising shops in my life!!!

and

Greg totally burned me, I never thought that I was one to really make people wait that long, but I guess I am wrong. I always thought that when Greg comes to pick me up he phones from the front of my building like most people. NOT SO, he phones from the top of my street so that when he arrives at my place he isn't having to wait as long to be let in. Thing is, he still beats me to my front door by quite some time. This is not good, so new goal, to be ready to leave before he reaches my street and meet him at the front door!

Musicals...

So you may or may not know, that even more than dance, I love musical theatre, and have been blessed with the opportunity to perform in many musicals. Something like 30 I think. One of my favorite things about musicals are the lyrics. There is always a great balance of profound and silly. Here are some of my favorite musical theatre lyrics. (And by favorite, I mean favorite this week. I love just about every musical so my fav is always changing.)

Musical: RENT
Song: Life Support

There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret or life is yours to miss
No other road
No other way
No day but today

Musical: Les Miserables
Song: Finale

Take my hand
And lead me to salvation
Take my love
For love is everlasting
And remember
The truth that once was spoken
To love another person
Is to see the face of God.

Musical: Guys and Dolls
Song: Marry The Man Today

Marry the man today.
Trouble though he may be
Much as he likes to play Crazy and wild and free
Marry the man today
Rather than sigh in sorrow
Marry the man today
And change his ways tomorrow.

Musical: Aida
Song: My Strongest Suit

In life one has to face a huge assortment
Of nauseating fads and good advice
There's health and fitness
Diet and deportment
And other pointless forms of sacrifice
Conversation? Wit? I am a doubter
Manners? Charm?
They're no way to impress
So forget the inner me , observe the outer
I am what I wear and how I dress

Musical: Jesus Christ Superstar
Song: Heaven On Their Minds

Listen, Jesus, to the warning I give.
Please remember that I want us to live.
But it's sad to see our chances weakening with every hour.
All your followers are blind.
Too much heaven on their minds.
It was beautiful, but now it's sour.
Yes it's all gone sour.

Question...

...Are you more wise with or with out your wisdom teeth?

FIVE...

So, I've been tagged by Deb. My instructions are to write five things about me that no one knows, then tag five other bloggers to do the same. Here I go (hopefully new things will be learned)

1) My middle name. So many will know that my middle name is Lindsay, but most will not know how I got it. I was named after a man named Lindsay Smith. He was a grandfather figure to my Mom. I'm told I've met him, and photos would also support this, though unfortunately I don't remember him. I do have though a beautiful jewelry box that he carved by had for me.

2) I love airports. There are a few reasons for this. One, I love to travel and the excitement that goes along with that. Two, when I travel alone I feel very independent, the sky literally becomes the limit to what I feel I can do. Three, I like people watching. (It's not that creepy, secretly you know you love it too!)

3) One day I could be queen. Okay, so many of you may know that I am in line for the throne of England. I originally thought I was behind most of Europe. NOT SO!!! I'm somewhere like
25 000 down the line. That's like only the population of Truro or the combined total of DAL and SMU together. This is totally do-able! Hiring one hit man...

4) I've left my mark on the education system in Nova Scotia. If you're ever bored and chose to read the rules and regulations for science fair projects in the provincial competition, you will notice a line that reads something like this, "No animals or livestock may be used in experiments". I won't fill you in on the details now, but it's all because of me baby. You can take a girl out of the boonies, but you can't take the boonies out of the girl...

5) The woman I aspire to be the most like in the Bible is Ruth.


Okay...so I tag:
Tricia Jagt cause she's just started blogging
Lindsey Davies cause we've got a name in common (though we spell it differently)
But mostly I tag these two cause out of the blogs I read I know these two the least. That will change though, they're on my STINT team!
Kelley Myles cause after that angry blog I've learned it had to do with not being tagged. Next time I make the top five, I don't want to be on that list! Plus, I love her and don't get to see her as much anymore.
Gilberto De Melo because he volunteers for the IWK, and that place saved my little brothers life on the weekend.
And finally, Matt Rice cause well according to Matt Clarke, "he's Chuck Norris!" and that just cracks me up. I'm laughing with you Matt, not at you!

Battle Cry

The first step to winning a battle is actually acknowledging that you are in one. Today I have come to that realization. Now don't get me wrong, I have known that there is a spiritual battle going on for quite sometime now, but I have finally seen how I have fit into the picture today.

I had a quiet time today. Now don't get me wrong, I have them most days. But today was real. And I am realising how stale all my quiet times have been for almost a year. Yes, a year. God and I chatted, really dialogued today. And it was wonderful, refreshing. He definitely showed me how for the last year there has only been one set of footprints in the sand, and they haven't been mine. And, the exact weekend stuff started to go off the rails in my life and He picked me up and carried me.

It was a crazy weekend, my Grandma was rushed to the hospital for emergency heart surgery (her pace-maker started poking through her skin). That Friday, I decided once and for all that I had to give up my dream of dancing for a career, something that I'd dreamed about for a long time (good-bye National Ballet School). There were the performances of a ballet that I was originally cast in (my lead role was given away because of my injury and inability to dance). And to cap it all off, stuff with my roommates started to go really down hill (this due in part to me a slight identity crisis not really knowing who I was outside of dance and part due to my roommates and I realising that all we had in common was dance and now not even that.) Life as I knew it was not going well at all, and without even realising it, I lost complete control.

So here are a couple of realisations I've come too...

1) I've been relying on God's strength more than I even realised.

2) God showed me some places in the last year where He could have let me go, but held on tight. I am loved by Him more than I will ever be able to understand.

3) That it's time for us to walk hand in hand with two sets of footprints, He's not going to leave me, ever, but I am ready now to walk on my own.

4) Putting on the "armour of God" has to be a literal thing. (This wasn't a suggestion put into the Bible just for kicks, we really need it. Daily.)

So I'm able to see how God has carried me through the battle for the last year. But now, I need to take some ownership and fight. So, some changes are going to be made in my life. Nothing to drastic, but now that I can see how close the enemy has come in the last year, I know what I need to do.

Kindness

I want to introduce you to someone. His name is Justin Halleran. He's a 5th year student at Memorial University in Newfoundland. He plays varsity basketball and is the starting shooting guard for his school. I'm told he is also one of the top players in the league. I've never met Justin, but his kindness has impacted me greatly. The following is a recap of something that has transpired over the last few days. It was written by my mother, but I agree with everything she is saying.

This is the story of two young men, both of them dedicated athletes, who met this afternoon in the locker room of the Dalplex in Halifax, NS. One is a swimmer who had just finished competing in the pool, the other a basketball player getting ready for his game. I do not know all that transpired between the two when they met, but what I do know, I will share.

When the swimmer returned to the locker room after his events, it was to find that one of his shoes was missing. He searched carefully but to no avail. No one wants to lose a shoe. No one wants to go outside barefoot in Feb., especially in the midst of a cold spell such as we are presently experiencing.

The swimmer's father went looking for his son. It is unusual for him to be so slow leaving the locker room. He found the swimmer sitting on a bench holding a large size 11 basketball shoe. The second size 11 shoe was on one foot, while his own remaining size 6 shoe was on the other foot. When asked, he explained to his Dad that the size 11's had been given to him by a basketball player who was getting ready for a game at 3pm.

The father went looking to try and return the shoes. He asked the Dalhousie players and no one knew about the shoes. Throughout the field house there were masses of young men playing basketball. Who to ask? The son insisted the player who had given him the footwear was going to be in a big game at 3pm, so the father returned to the court, this time walking towards the Memorial team players. One player raised his hand ever so slightly in a small wave. The father asked if the shoes were his, and he acknowledged that they were. Would he take them back? Justin Halleran would not consider that. "Everyone should have a pair of shoes to wear out of the gym."

It is not easy for an athlete in the midst of game preparation to take their focus from their own game. That Justin Halleran took that time to talk with a young man who happens to have Down Syndrome, and without a second thought give something of his own up to help another out of a tricky situation, showed he is a worthy ambassador of both Memorial University, and his home province, Newfoundland.

I do not know how he did on the basketball court today, but I hope he did well! I do know that in that larger, more important game - the one we call LIFE - Justin Halleran certainly proved himself a true team player.

So Justin, thank-you. For your kindness to one great kid who many overlooked that afternoon. It has not gone unnoticed.

Crying at Movies...


So I cry at almost anything, especially movies. Last weekend I cried at a movie. Now I have no shame in this, but the situation is rather funny since I was the only gal at the movie and went with 4 of my best guy friends. Though they didn't even know until I told them...LOL.

Tomorrow night, I will once again cry at a movie. Greg and I are going to watch the Notebook. (Relationships are all about compromise so we are both watching a movie we wouldn't normally and are trading one chick flick for one shoot-em-up-testosterone-fest and I picked the biggest, most chickest of all chick flicks I could think of!) He has no idea what he is in for! This movie makes me cry every time I see it, and it has been a while, so I will probably flow like Niagara Falls. LOL. I hope he has tissues on Hand. (*sigh...I get all girly just thinking about the movie.) If he is smart, he will take notes, though cheesy there are some very romantic ideas in this movie. (Like a letter everyday for a year, how sweet is that? HintHint)

Now here is where the story gets unfortunate, every gal knows that waterproof mascara is genius, perfect for times like the above, I at this time have none and won't have time to pick some up. So tomorrow I will be left with one of two options, one wear no mascara at all or two, wear mascara that is bound to run. What's a girl to do? (LOL)

On a complete other spectrum, tomorrow before our movie date, I will be babysitting so won't be able to pick up the movie. Greg is going to have to go by himself to do it. Now he isn't normally one to feel awkward about stuff like this, and I'm sure he hasn't even thought about the situation enough to consider that it might be awkward. Though if my favourite blog stalker reads this between now and then, he may feel just a little self conscious about the whole situation. It's fair though, I'm watching Sniper...

*To make up for the fact this post is somewhat shallow, I will do my best to drum up something a little more profound for my next post

OFFICIALLY GOING TO PANAMA!!!

That is correct everyone! STINT team complete, It's Panama or bust! I am officially a short term international intern with Campus for Christ, and I'm going to Panama!!!!


Praise God!

Some nice stuff that has happened to me in the last little bit...

I had my dishes washed, I had my groceries carried, I was suprised with a tea, was walked to work, was treated to dinner, was told I am beautiful, was prayed for, was given a much needed hug, was given a foot rub, had my garbage taken out, was walked home, had some sciencey stuff explained, was teased, was thanked, had a deep conversation, had more than one light one, laughed at a cd, laughed at a bad joke, laughed at bad pun, just plain was made to laugh, made someone laugh, shared a laugh, was comforted, was given advice, was made to feel special, was able to see a glimpse of just how blessed I am.

Love, Laughter and DGs

My DG is wonderful. One of the high points in my week is getting an opportunity to lead this DG. The girls are incredible. I don't want to sound cocky but we may have the best DG ever! I've heard it described as epic. This DG is going to go down in History at SMU as "THE DG". 50 years from now students will still be talking about it.

What is it about this DG that sets it apart from all others? To begin, it is the incredible heart for God that each girl has. There has never been a more diverse group of girls, from all walks of life, from all corners of the earth, each at a very different place in their walk with the Lord. But each comes each week willing to humble themselves before the Lord and each other to learn whatever they can, and to encourage each other in every way possible. I love how each week they come excited to share with the group how God is working in their lives and the lessons He is teaching them. Wanting to know more about him.

The second reason for why I love this group, and the reason that required me to get back to the blog is the collective ability to talk and to listen. I have just gotten home from my DG which started at 5:30pm this evening. Our DG is meant to last an hour and a half. Tonight we didn't do a study, but shared about our Christmas breaks and caught up with each other. We finally decided that is was not academically responsible for us to continue at 7:30. At 8:30 we finally left. Time really flies when you are having fun. We laughed for three hours straight tonight.

I am going to miss these girls next year. They are such a blessing in my life. I have seen them take incredible steps of faith over the last couple of months, and continue to see these steps being taken, and I can't help but get excited for what God is going to do through them. I am looking forward to awesome stories of the evidence of God's power as He works in and through the lives of these girls. I love my role in the ministry at SMU, and I am going to be sad to leave it. But I know that there are some remarkable women who are more than capable to carry on the torch.

As I think and pray about where God is taking my life, I can see one of His reasons for calling me to Panama is so that the movement at SMU can really take off. By going to Panama, I am forced to give up my leadership role on the campus at SMU, and to really teach others, to build into them, so that the gospel can truly be taken to all nations. One of the areas in my life that need to improve on is my desire to always be in the centre of what is happening, going to Panama is forcing me to let go of that, and in that, watch these girls grow in leadership and as spiritual multipliers, and to understand that they are capable of being a part of the fulfillment of the great commission right where they are. I am so excited to come back to Halifax in a year and a half from now to see where God has taken the ministry at SMU.

My prayer is that I can return and that there be so many people capable and willing to lead a DG, or disciple someone, or take on roles in the other aspects of the ministry that I am not needed, but wanted. I pray that whatever my role is when I return no matter how big or how small it be given to me not because there is no one else to do it, but because it is the best for the ministry that I do it. I pray for humility as I watch others take roles of leadership that were once mine. I pray for patience as I watch them do things maybe not as I would. I pray for wisdom to know when to step forward into responsibility and when to step back and give others an opportunity. I pray for my girls, that God would bless them as He has blessed me, that they would one day understand how God is using them to take the gospel to our campus and to the world. Amen.

ONE YEAR LATER

One year ago today I was sitting in the doctor's office listening to him explain the consequences of a dislocated knee cap. Any dancer realises that an injury will change our lives, at least for a little while. I had no idea that day how drastically my life would change as a result. I can remember hobbling into the studio on crutches and seeing the expressions on the faces of the staff at MCPA watching them go from shock to horror back to shock and then pure panic! Realising they had to re-cast a show as a result. Feeling at that point that not only had I done myself in, but also was bringing everyone else down with me. And everywhere I turned around having people give my sympathetic regards. I hate when people are overly sympathetic. I was up to my eye balls in sympathy for months, and I'm still dealing with it. At the time I can remember being mad at myself. Now I know I can't control when my body starts to give out on me, but I was so frustrated. I hate watching dance classes. The worst thing you can do to a dancer is make them watch a class. It is pure torture. For the next four months all I did was watch dance classes. I was so unhappy. I began hating going to the studio. I hated to see the other girls dripping in sweat after a great class. I hated knowing that that would not be me again. Closing the door on a chapter of your life is never easy but when it comes as a surprise it is beyond difficult.

I still have questions. Why me? that one comes up a lot. I believe I do know the answer. But that doesn't stop my heart and my head from going back to it from time to time. I will always wonder if I would have "made it". Or would I have come home, head down and tail between my legs ashamed having not? At least I would have known. If I had taken one last class that day, would my body have lasted longer? Probably not, but who knows. If I had been that much more careful about my technique, would that have helped?

I firmly believe this was God's plan for me. And I know He's got me under His control, I don't need to worry about it. And when I was over thinking this, I came to this conclusion, that I don't believe the answers to these questions are out there. God has one plan for my life. One. I don't need to spend time contemplating the shoulda, coulda, woulda's of it all. He has got it all figured out. Time spent on that equals money wasted on Advil. Why give myself a headache over something I don't want to change.

That's right, something I don't want to change this situation. Now I could handle to get rid of the constant physical pain that I live my life with everyday, a daily reminder and side effect, but I wouldn't give anything to go from where I am today to where I was then. God has taken my life flipped it upside down and inside out and I am finding more satisfaction in Him than I have ever found in a day at the studio. I would never trade the lessons I have learned for any amount of time spent dancing. Ironically though I do miss blister competitions...LOL

THANK-YOU BOYS

This is just a short note to thank Luke, Matt, and Greg for their hard labour on Sunday afternoon. The couch and chair fit very nicely into the apartment. Perfectly to be exact. Thanks for giving your time and "guns" to move it in for me! I really appreciate it. And Luke, please thank your folks for me. This is so good of them. I really can't thank them enough! Here is an invitation for a party on the roof...

THE SADDEST THING I HAVE EVER READ!!!!

During Down Syndrome Awareness Week 2006 personal stories about and by a family who have two children with Down syndrome were published in newspapers. Referring to one of the articles we received a comment from a reader who expressed his views on the article.

Hi, I am writing about the article featured in the Saturday paper regarding the parents of 2 down syndrome little girls. To tell you the truth I would not want to be in those parent's shoes. My wife and I terminated two pregnancies once we found out our babies were going to be downs. There was no way we were going to bring special need babies into our family. Those parents in the paper say they are happy however deep inside I am sure they are struggling emotionally. They are not blind. Obviously they have not been around normal babies. With all the resources available nowadays to find out early about the genetics and gender of the baby, why would anybody put themselves thru this kind of life. Just wanted to share my views on this subject.

This is the saddest thing I have ever read. My mom sent it to me today. I cried as I read it, and have tears in my eyes as I read it now again. This one hits a little too close to home. I feel hurt and angry. I feel personally assaulted, offended. This makes me want to scream and yell and to act irrationally. I feel so frustrated! How can anyone think like that? I am deeply insulted. I can't think straight. My mind is going 100 miles an hour but nothing is being accomplished. I can't get my thoughts in order. I hate how wrong he is. How selfish he is. How mislead he is. I feel attacked. I feel disheartened. I feel maddened. I feel heartbroken. I feel discouraged.

Have the efforts put forth by those in the past been fruitless? Have we gone one step forward, three steps back? Will the barriers of misconception ever be brought down? Matthew has your perseverance been in vain?

Matthew, please know, I love you. Our whole family loves you. More people than we can count love you. We would never trade you for the world let alone exchange you for nothing. Matt, we struggle more when you are not around than when you are. We need you Matt. And please don't flatter yourself, your "needs" are no more "special" than those of anyone else. Matt I want to protect you from people like that. But I won't, you don't need my protection. You are inner strength personified. I aspire to one day have the work ethic, compassion for others and to take pleasure in the small things the way you do. You inspire without even knowing it. Never give up or give in (not that you would consider doing either). Swim fast. Never be anyone else but yourself, you are responsible for a small part of each of us and our family would not be the same without you. Never change, I...we want you just the way you are.

More than anything I feel sorry for the author of the above article. He has no idea of what he is missing in his life, twice over! I think though, that my mom put it best. The following is the final paragraph to her responce to the above letter. (if you would like to read the whole thing let me know)

You know JOHN, we have brought five children into this world and each of them has and will continue to have "special needs". There is no such thing as a "perfect child". It is unlikely that our son with Down syndrome grows up to be Prime Minister of this country, but it is also unlikely any of our other children will either. He will not get paid the salary of a school teacher, but he will spend his entire life teaching and showing those around him what can be accomplished through hard work. Already he has changed lives and he will continue to do so. "Why would anybody put themselves thru this kind of life"? Because it is not a burden, it has been and is a gift. We are so much the richer for it! And as I write this letter JOHN, I grieve for you, as it is a gift you will now never know.

I could not agree more!

THE SADDEST THING I HAVE EVER READ!!!!

During Down Syndrome Awareness Week 2006 personal stories about and by a family who have two children with Down syndrome were published in newspapers. Referring to one of the articles we received a comment from a reader who expressed his views on the article.

Hi, I am writing about the article featured in the Saturday paper regarding the parents of 2 down syndrome little girls. To tell you the truth I would not want to be in those parent's shoes. My wife and I terminated two pregnancies once we found out our babies were going to be downs. There was no way we were going to bring special need babies into our family. Those parents in the paper say they are happy however deep inside I am sure they are struggling emotionally. They are not blind. Obviously they have not been around normal babies. With all the resources available nowadays to find out early about the genetics and gender of the baby, why would anybody put themselves thru this kind of life. Just wanted to share my views on this subject.

This is the saddest thing I have ever read. My mom sent it to me today. I cried as I read it, and have tears in my eyes as I read it now again. This one hits a little too close to home. I feel hurt and angry. I feel personally assaulted, offended. This makes me want to scream and yell and to act irrationally. I feel so frustrated! How can anyone think like that? I am deeply insulted. I can't think straight. My mind is going 100 miles an hour but nothing is being accomplished. I can't get my thoughts in order. I hate how wrong he is. How selfish he is. How mislead he is. I feel attacked. I feel disheartened. I feel maddened. I feel heartbroken. I feel discouraged.

Have the efforts put forth by those in the past been fruitless? Have we gone one step forward, three steps back? Will the barriers of misconception ever be brought down? Matthew has your perseverance been in vain?

Matthew, please know, I love you. Our whole family loves you. More people than we can count love you. We would never trade you

TO PREACH OR TO SEND...

(13) for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."(14) How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? (15) And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"
Romans 10:13-15

I'm between a rock and a hard place. Both options breed Godly outcomes. Both with appeal. Both life changing. Both promise adventure, challenge, and excitement. Both will contain laughter and tears, joy and sorrow, victory and defeat. Both with lasting consequences...Good and bad. Both tug at my heart, pulling it in two very different directions. Both will see students won for Christ, built into, and sent out to fulfill the great commission. Both will see God glorified. Both will see God Praised. Both will see God honored. Both will be used by God. One is in His will.

APPRECIATED THINGS


Again with the lists. One day I am going to find some time to write something other than a list. Maybe I will do that on the day I can throw out my "TO DO" list...Wouldn't that be nice! But alas some things that have stuck out in the last little while.

1- Getting facebooked my a long lost friend...
2- My uncle getting facebook...If facebook was ever cool, it is now
3- Getting together with a group of C4Cers for a vision night...So very exciting!
4- An e-mail in response to an e-mail from my parents.
5- A chance to lead a Bible study at church...And the responses from people in the congregation
6- Watching Pride and Prejudice
7- Sharing secrets with a wonderful group of girls after watching P&P
8- Making chili, and the smell in my apartment...SO good
9- Beautiful flowers from someone special...Nope didn't buy them for myself
10- Genuine excitement for various reasons from Jessie
11- The girls in my DG...The desire to learn and grow
12- Discipleship time with Kelley, always appreciated, but yesterday was exactly what I needed
13- My relationship with my parents...I love our phone calls, especially ones like last night
14- The leadership within my church...Going out of their way to help me out however they can
15- A great walk put me in awe of our creation, and made me appreciate just how I fit in to it all